im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize