I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
where are my pants?
in the oven.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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