Michael Bay diarrhea
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
