My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
