or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
