Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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