What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
