FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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