i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
