i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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