Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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