I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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