I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
