Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
