Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
