I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize