I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
