Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
