Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize