If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize
