I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize