Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
