the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
