I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize