Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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