I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
