one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
vagina is talking i cant
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize