When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
