there's paper in my vomit.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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