my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize