Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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