Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize