i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
