if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
