THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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