her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
