I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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