i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
