Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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