Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
