so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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