You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
