He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
