i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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