I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
