Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
