i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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