I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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