I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
that is very illegal...i love you.
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