Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
