Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize