My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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