you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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