Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
