i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
