I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
