you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
