if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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