My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
