she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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