so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
