You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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