Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
