Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do vagina's smell?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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